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THE BASICS: Like fantasy football or baseball, Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball (UWFW) is a point-scoring game in which participants, or 'owners', select a team of players which competes against other owners' teams over the course of a season.

The Honor System

Because point-scoring plays in UWFW are subjectively determined, sportsmanship on the part of owners and arbiters is strongly encouraged. Those who fail to live up to the spirit of the Honor System will be outed and cock-slapped by Jeff Goldstein.

Thus, while owners are encouraged to goad their wingnut players into scoring points for their Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball teams, outright collusion with a wingnut player is not considered sporting. Or, really, very sanitary.

Position Breakdown: Team Wankfests

The Team Wankfest offers possibly the best value-for-money in all of Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball, because each TW represents an entire community of wingnuts, often numbering in the hundreds ... or even thousands. The scoring opportunities for a good Team Wankfest are, quite literally, limited only by the amount of time a team owner is willing to scour its diaries and comment threads for idiotic displays of wingnuttery.

Position Rules

The source of all scoring plays by a Team Wankfest is confined to the actual Web community it represents; however, all participants in the community - even the lowliest one-time commenter - can score for your Team Wankfest. The temptation may be large for owners to flout the spirit of the Honor System of scoring with regards to Team Wankfests, so try to maintain a sense of sportsmanship.

Point-Scoring Opportunities

Orc Pile - 5 points

An Orc Pile is defined as a comment thread following a diary, post or comment that contains blatantly false and easily disprovable information, in which at least 30 comments are made assuming the falsehood to be true before any commenter or administrator corrects the facts.


Orc Pile With LOL - 10 points

An OPWLOL is a common Orc Pile play, with one crucial distinction: No fewer than 15 individual comments within the 30-comment arc are three-words-or-less affirmations of the original false premise. NOTE: This play scores as both an Orc Pile and an OPWLOL; thus, 15 points.


What, Me Racist? - 10 points

What, Me Racist? occurs whenever a racist remark or epithet on a diary, post or comment thread is allowed to pass unchallenged for no less than 20 comments.


The Thin Red Ban - 10 points

The Thin Red Ban refers to any Team Wankfest banning of a commenter or community participant with exceedingly slim justification as per the community's Rules of Conduct, in the judgment of a UWFW arbiter.


Meet Up - 50 points

A Meet Up involving at least five members of a Team Wankfest is the position's top scoring play. All Meet Ups must be documented with embarrassing photos.

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