Position Breakdown: Jesus Ladies

Jesus Ladies make Jesus Lady plays. It's wise to remember that aphorism when drafting this position. Whether it's attributing a Divine Mandate to the sight of aquatic mammals in bodies of water or finding God's Wrath in the rubble of disaster-hit population centers, the Jesus Lady invariably discovers the Grace of God in the things he or she enjoys (like brain-dead stroke victims) and the absence of same in things he or she loathes (like poor people). While the position doesn't have many large scoring opportunities, rest assured a quality Jesus Lady will rack up the small gains for you, over and over and over and over.

Position Rules

As with Eliminationists, the Jesus Lady doesn't play by Man's rules. Or God's, for that matter. Your JL may score points from pressbox to pulpit, as long as it's verifiably documented.

Point-Scoring Opportunities

General Incomprehensibility - 5 points

Faith-based reasoning frequently leaves the "reason" part out of the formula. Jesus Ladies score early and often with General Incomprehensibility plays; these refer to incidences where a JL launches a cryptic, poorly spelled, ungrammatical, and/or internally inconsistent argument, often employing bizarre syntax.

She Blindered Me To Science - 10 points

This oft-used gambit is in play anytime a Jesus Lady displays hostility towards science and scientists, or an alarming lack of understanding about the basic rules governing what is, and what isn't science. An important play to watch for, She Blindered Me To Science covers a wide range of dishonest comparisons, appeals to invisible authority, irrelevancies and determined refusals to grasp the necessity of falsification when making a scientific claim.

What Wouldn't Jesus Do? - 15 points

A WW'NTJD is tallied when the Jesus Lady recommends some uncharitable or violent action based on his or her reading into Scripture the precise opposite of an objective interpretation of the Gospel message.

TCCUITPPITBNITW - 15 points

With TCCUITPPITBNITW (The Camel's Cut Up Into Tiny Pieces, Plus It's The Biggest Needle In The World), the Jesus Lady inexplicably champions the "blessings" that arise from the greedy acquisition of wealth at the expense of others less fortunate than oneself.

God's Mouthpiece - 15 points

God's Mouthpiece is a trademark Jesus Lady play wherein the JL professes to personally know the intentions of God, typically following a natural or manmade disaster.

Caught Sinnin' - 75 points

When a Jesus Lady is Caught Sinnin' in real life, the result is not just a stunning display of hypocrisy, but 75 points for your UWFW squad. NOTE: Along with the Caught Shillin' play for Paid Shills, Caught Sinnin' is one of only two UWFW plays that are scored based on real world occurrences rather than just bloviating.

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