Position Breakdown: Eliminationists

If the Wankerback is Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball's field general, the Eliminationist is the workhorse who piles up the points for your team. Eliminationists have fewer point-scoring opportunities than Wankerbacks, but they make up for that discrepancy with powerful plays that can score 25, 50 and even 75 points. What's more, the Eliminationist is not constrained by a blog - he or she can score in any publicly available media. A good Eliminationist is a seething, hateful proto-fascist with deep insecurities and an obsessive need to constantly document his or her violent, often racist fantasies.

Position Rules

Eliminationists don't need no steenkeen' rules! From the airwaves to the op-ed pages, and everything in between, Eliminationists are allowed to score points if legitimately documented by UWFW team owners.

Point-Scoring Opportunities

BWAHAHA - 2 points

Documented written or spoken instances of the common Eliminationist exclamation BWAHAHA score points for the position. League arbiters are instructed to be broad in their interpretation of spelling in this category, as the Eliminationist's keyboard is often jammed with foodstuff debris or treated as a proxy for political opponents he or she would like (but is afraid) to punch.

Gun Porn - 5 points

Eliminationists score Gun Porn points whenever they squeal with sexual delight overt the specs, stats, killing power etc. of a particular firearm or range of firearms.

Shite Club - 25 points

Shite Club is a point-scoring play for the Eliminationist who unseriously challenges a political opponent to a fight. NOTE: The Shite Club challenge must have a less than 2 percent chance of being accepted due to preposterous conditions - such as requiring the challenged party to travel hundreds of miles to fight on the challenger's home turf.

Kill Them. Kill Them All. - 50 points

KTKTA occurs when an Eliminationist abandons his or her almost negligible layer of restraint and advocates the mass extermination of men, women and children ... usually by delivery of nuclear weapons, but sometimes by conventional methods.

Outing With Death Threat - 75 points

The most devastating play in the Eliminationist's arsenal, an Outing With Death Threat occurs when the Eliminationist publishes the private information and address of an opponent who does not wish those details published. The OWDT must be accompanied by some form of exhortation (whether direct or implied) for the Eliminationist's audience to cause physical harm to the opponent. NOTE: The Outing With Death Threat scores more points than KTKTA despite the latter's more extreme threat of violence, simply because Eliminationists, thank God, do not actually have the authority to start wars or launch Weapons of Mass Destruction. Yet.

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