Wankerback Draft Guide: Something to Prove

21. Baseball Crank

Salary: $16 | PF: 6 | WPP: 6 | ID: 7

SOMEBODY WRITE THIS

Fast Fact: SOMEBODY WRITE THIS

22. Dean Esmay

Salary: $15 | PF: 7 | WPP: 6 | ID: 5

Dean calls himself an autodidact, but there's reason to believe he's confusing the comendable practice of self-teaching with the manly art of self-abuse. This would explain his belief that Christopher Hitchens is "devestatingly brilliant." His favorite "philospher" [sic] is Robert Heinlein, his hobbies include the history of genocide and he acknowledges being driven into a rage by circular arguments. He also believes that Bush the Senior is a progressive liberal. All Dean needs is a disturbing obsession with underage anime to give Steven den Beste (see below) a run for his money. - S

Fast Fact: Dean met his wife on the Internet, a valuable lesson for people who don't think it's important to read contracts.

23. James Lileks

Salary: $13 | PF: 6 | WPP: 9 | ID: 6

Lileks recently moved up to the major leagues with a unique blend of Midwestern wholesomeness and hysterical bedwetting. Whether it's tracking down interesting gimcracks or composing bitingly dull parodies worthy of Babbitt, Jim-Jim is the go-to guy. - S

Fast Fact: James collects diner postcards, telephone message pad carbons and rare Norman Rockwell home porn clips. Who says being friendless can't be fun?

24. Professor Bainbridge

Salary: $10 | PF: 5 | WPP: 8 | ID: 4

Bainbridge is just what the doctor ordered ... another conservative law professor with a blog. Joining the distinguished company of Instapundit, Ann Althouse and Eugene Volokh, Bainbridge at least exhibits the moral decency necessary to recognize the disaster that is President Chimpenstein's legacy. In his spare time (a great deal of which is apparently available to professors at publicly-funded law schools), he enjoys wine, selling other people's military medals, and explaining why poor people deserve it. - S

Fast Fact: Anybody who works for the government is a parasite. Except for law professors.

25. Cathy Seipp

Salary: $9 | PF: 4 | WPP: 6 | ID: 7

Cathy's blog is the Internet equivalent of a gnat ... loud and irritating, but ultimately so inconsequential as to be harmless. As part of the well-balanced intellectual meal that makes up National Review Online, Cathy is the Special K to Jonah Goldberg's jelly donut. You can't pinch an inch on one of Cathy's ideas! - S

Fast Fact: Cathy's theory that, "When you question things and you have a logical frame of mind, it's impossible to be a liberal" has not yet been picked up by most working philosophers.

26. The Anchoress

Salary: $7 | PF: 6 | WPP: 6 | ID: 6

This international woman of mystery claims to be a "shy type of person with a liking for anonymity." Others think she's shagadelic, baby! You decide. Either way, she'll tickle your fancy with an obsessive devotion to Dark Ages theology and incoherent political musings. When you're looking for a Catholic to add to your religious mixed nuts, you can count on the Anchoress. - S

Fast Fact: Some people claim they knew the Anchoress when she was named George.

27. Megan 'Jane Galt' McArdle

Salary: $6 | PF: 6 | WPP: 5 | ID: 5

A master of passive aggressive contempt for empathy, McArdle is known for her brainy formulations of all the wrong questions about all the wrong numbers. A withering rebuke from this man-qua-man enthusiast is enough to send even her toughest liberal antagonists scurrying back to the reality-based world. - AP

Fast Fact: Dedicated recipe-blogger McArdle has devised the definitive 350-step method for making soggy toast on a budget.

28. Andrew Sullivan

Salary: $6 | PF: 7 | WPP: 9 | ID: 4

Sadly, Sully has moderated his testosterone intake of late ... as a result, this once-proud Bush enabler is but a bare, backed-up shell of his former self. With very few of his friends and colleagues willing to swallow his "fifth column" dribblings anymore, Sullivan has done an about-face professionally, going from top to bottom in record time. - AP

Fast Fact: Sullivan is currently battling John Arivosis for the Biggest Sense of Entitlement Award at the 2007 Bloggies.

29. Ann Althouse

Salary: $6 | PF: 6 | WPP: 5 | ID: 8

As bland as poi but minus the discernable ethnicity, Prof. Althouse instructs law students at the University of Wisconsin on the finer points of masking rightward creep with umbrage-taking. Would rank higher as a wankerback, but for the tediousness of monitoring her scoring attempts. - AP

Fast Fact: Ann Althouse is so non-partisan, she writes in Joe Lieberman for every office on every ballot she ever casts.

30. Steven 'Ick' den Beste

Salary: $2 | PF: 1 | WPP: Mugendai | ID: 3

Having largely drifted from the political scene, Steven remains legendary for his affection for anime portraits of young Japanese girls. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Long-time readers still remember him as captain of the USS Clueless where he regularly wanked forth on the events of the day in the style of Kirk on the bridge. Now we have mostly memories and a growing concern for his neighbors. - S

Fast Fact: Steven likes holding hands, long walks on the beach and soundproofed panel vans.

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KEY - PF: Posting Frequency ... WPP: Wankage Per Post ... ID: Intellectual Dishonesty

AUTHORS - AP: Assparrot ... S: Snag

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