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Ultimate Wingnut

FantasyWankball

THE BASICS: Like fantasy football or baseball, Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball (UWFW) is a point-scoring game in which participants, or 'owners', select a team of players which competes against other owners' teams over the course of a season.

UWFW ... it's waaaaaanktastic!!!!!!1!

If God has a favorite football team (the Cowboys!), you better believe He has a favorite country ... America! But friends - the Heavenly Father's love is finite (that's in the Bible!) Thank gosh for the JESUS LADIES, witnessin' on homo-sodomites and aborto-fascists and culture-of-deathers who hate the baby Jesus and want to rile up the Lord!

It takes stones to be a literalist scold ... check out our Official Ultimate Wingnut Fantasy Wankball Draft Preview to discover which Jesus Ladies are casting them first!

Jesus Lady Draft Guide: Something to Prove

He swallows, too ...

21. William Bennett

Salary: $18 | GBA: 3 | PH: 6 | LERP: 11

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22. Rev. Jimmy Swaggart

Salary: $18 | GBA: 3 | PH: 5-to-10 | LERP: A forest

Having devoted most of his life to validating Mark Twain's opinion of repentant scoundrels, the Reverend remains the foremost theological authority on the question of how many fallen angels can dance on the head of a penis. - AP

Fast Fact: Before his tragic death, Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin poked Swaggart with a stick to see if there was any truth to the thing about the tears.

23. Rev. Billy Graham

Salary: $15 | GBA: 4 | PH: 5 | LERP: 5

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24. Pastor George Morrison

Salary: $15 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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JL SALARIES

$40 - J. Grant Swank, Jr.

$37 - Dave Daubenmire, Kaye Grogan

$36 - Marie Jon'

$34 - Pat Robertson

$33 - Fred Phelps,
James Dobson

$32 - Cal Thomas

$30 - Jerry Falwell

$27 - Dawn Eden

$25 - Jack Chick, Judy Brown, Marvin Olasky

$24 - Peggy Noonan

$23 - LaShawn Barber, Ramesh Ponnuru

$22 - Mark H. Creech

$20 - Jack Van Impe, Donald E. Wildmon,
Hans Zeiger

$18 - William Bennett, Jimmy Swaggart

$15 - Billy Graham, George Morrison

$11 - Bill McCartney,
Tim LeHaye

$10 - Jerry Jenkins

$7 - Bonnie Alba,
Bonnie Rogoff

$5 - Chris Dahlgren

25. Bill McCartney

Salary: $11 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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26. Tim LeHaye

Salary: $11 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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27. Jerry Jenkins

Salary: $10 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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28. Bonnie Alba

Salary: $7 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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29. Bonnie Rogoff

Salary: $7 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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30. Curtis Dahlgren

Salary: $5 | GBA: X | PH: X | LERP: X

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KEY - GBA: God Bothering Average ... PH: Pharisee Phactor ...
LERP: Logs-per-Eye over Replacement Prayer

AUTHORS - AP: Assparrot ... S: Snag

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SWAG!
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2006 PRESEASON
JL PREDICTIONS

MVP: J. Grant Swank, Jr.

Prolific Poster:
J. Grant Swank, Jr.

Fisher of Men-on-Men:
Fred Phelps

Sin Tax Collector: Kaye Grogan

Sleeper: Hans Zeiger

Overrated: Jack Chick

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